well this blog is really formatted in a crappy way by now but I wanted to post something. A few months ago when I had the urge to make this site but didn't have energy I wrote a rant note which probably is a bit sad to read I guess but I wanted to post this and all. This was created 04/02/2025.
I feel really tired of having ADHD, mostly because of its randomness. Sometimes I can literally be the most productive being in the world, just doing everything in a great pace with great results, but in the majority of the time I'm just a fucking mess. For example now my bedroom looks like a rat's nest, and it bothers me so much, but I just can't do anything about it and I don't even know why I cant do it. Like, if it was on purpose at least I would have the clean mind to just leave it aside and ignore the mess, but it's always there reminding me that I can't do anything right, things that literally anyone can do at a reasonable time and effort. And the worst part of all this is that I am constantly trying to get better, I try methods and methods, I'm trying medication and all of that and they do work for a period of time, and then out of the blue they stop working. That's the bullshitiest part of this, I literally can't have any stability in anything; Make a site? how about leaving it even though you want to update it constantly. Draw? well that needs discipline and everyday work, how about wanting to do it constantly but just do some kid doodles and be demotivated by it. Live normally? how about just sleeping 4 am while eating worst then you have ever eaten and in the end just cry about it because nothing you do seems to work. Idk, sometimes I feel these are totally plausible rants, sometimes I feel I'm a whiney baby who can't maintain any discipline, but in the end I really want to get better, like it's my life objective to just be organized and have everything sorted out. My partner said that I could develop OCD if I get to obsessive about organization, but sometimes that seems like it would be a lot better than being the way I am now. Not to romanticize OCD, I know that it can get really bad with the panick attacks, but I already have those with this organization problem so it would basically redirect I guess. Idk, I'm just really desperate at this point, in a way that anything a little subjectively better seems like a salvation, but it never is.
It consists on making a list of 20 things I have to do in my life, like playing minecraft, doing laundry, making this blog you are reading now... Really, everything I want to do I put it on the list and then I roll a D20 dice, the result that lands on the dice is the thing I'll do.
But why would that help with my ADHD in any way you may ask, well in all my life I really had a problem with doing things unrequested, if no one says that I need to do something I will probably spend 24/7 just watching youtube or something, and that's where the dice come in. I basically leave it all from the cosmic entities, Gods from above, lady luck and all those people. Which in turn I feel like I'm obligated to do those things and actually do some progress.
I have been testing this methods for 3 weeks now, and I changed some rules here and there but in general I feel I've lived more in these weeks than like years of my life. I started and finished series, played new awesome games, did most of my hobbies and my chores are more or less done (better than nothing!)
Altough I'm speaking wonders of this method, if you have ADHD and identify with my problems, just remember to be cautious. I have tried arduous amount of methods from other people that they had the same excitement as me sharing, but then it just didn't work for me. If you like the idea give it a try, modify it to fit your necessities and hobbies, but if it isn't for you just go to the next one, you'll eventually find the one that suits you like I think I did for now.
Well that was a long one for my first ugly blog post, I'm really curious to see if anyone really read this, so if you did and want to let me know, please send me a Mail!!!